ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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