What did we do last night that was yellow?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
