honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
