wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
