We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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