I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
