he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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