I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
