My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
