Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
