Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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