THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
