I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
