you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
