We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
