Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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