I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
