He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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