Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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