porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i was born a porn star she said
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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