sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
