do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
