Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
