btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
