My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
