we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
