I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
