Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
