suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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