Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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