a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
