I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
