I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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