I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
