I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
