We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
