i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
