You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
