Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
