k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
