can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
