i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize