Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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