We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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