I'm so fucking centered right now
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
