well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
