The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
