dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
