So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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