we have officially lost it.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
