Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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