guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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