My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he just fucked me for my cheese..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
